Well, it’s just a preference, isn’t it? I mean, there’s nothing wrong in not finding a race attractive.
…Honey, who lied to you? Your ‘racial preference’ is built on stereotypes, but you haven’t realised it. Have you ever asked yourself why you don’t date this race? Why they seem so unattractive to you based on their race?
I asked myself those questions. Why won’t I date Asians? Why won’t I date Middle Easterns? I was baffled by my first thoughts. When I thought of Asian, I thought little guys with delicate features as opposed to my preference of big rugged men. This seems like an innocent misconception since it’s not harmful or insulting. However, even ‘innocent’ stereotypes are offensive. It’s so narrowminded to ever believe all Asian men have smaller statures, I mean if you google ‘muscular Asian guys’ right now, you’ll clearly see how insane my thoughts were.
Why don’t I date middle eastern guys? I mean I’m clearly obsessed with Zayn Malik ( a spicy half Pakistani, half English slice of heaven) and I think the middle east is filled with good looking guys. I remember my first trip to Dubai; I was literally speechless, but that was probably due to all the saliva gushing out of my mouth. It’s like God was really happy moments before making the people cause beauty definitely is etched in their genes. See I’m sooo distracted by them. The point is with my evident appreciation of middle eastern guys, something was holding me back. That was due to all the negative stereotypes about them, ranging from the treatment of women to more wicked thoughts.
No matter how logical you are about stereotypes, how they obviously aren’t entirely true, how they are generalisations or how glaringly false they are; these ugly thoughts sneak up on you. The world’s perception of different races is so deeply ingrained into our reasoning and lifestyle. These stereotypes are dark shadows that follow us. No matter how much you want to let them go, they aggressively cling on to your development. It’s crazy.
Fortunately, I don’t think this way anymore. I’ve come to terms with stereotypes I carry about other races and actively denounce them.
Finally, lemme say it loud and clear: having a racial preference is racist. Simply because your preference comes from stereotypes about skin colour, behaviour and ethnicity. ‘Black women are too loud and crazy.’ ‘White girls are too bland and weird.’ ‘Indians oppress their women.’ Don’t let stereotypes stop you from exploring different people and cultures (definitely in a non-fetishising way). Stereotypes might creep up occasionally, but once you’re aware of how crazy it is to think such and how not everyone acts that particular way, it becomes easier to unlearn them. With this, I release you into the world with new lenses. On your marks, set…. DATE!!!
Key Quote: ‘I met a woman who told me she wasn’t attracted to Asians. No worries, I said. I’m not attracted to racists.’
― Simon S Tam
12 thoughts on “‘I’m not racist, I just don’t date Asians’: Problems with Racial Preferences.”
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This article really puts things in perspective 👏🏽 👏🏽
Thank you 😍
Great piece! Very important points made. Extrapolating them, do you think there is a principle that also applies to other qualities that people can’t control? For example, is it ableist if someone decides they won’t date someone due to their disability, or ‘heightist’ if they decide not to date someone shorter or taller than a certain height, etc. Are these biases that people should also work on overcoming?
I’m just trying to encourage people to be open minded and ignore ALL stereotypes. Considering, the ableism point. I never actually thought of that but I think it’s a different concept so it deserves a different approach. It’s similar to how different races have different struggles. I’ll have to read up on that.
If you have just ONE specific race that you claim not to date, that is most likely racist. But if you say something like I don’t mind dating other races, but I prefer to date X race, it could, in my opinion, could be more of a culture thing. It’s not easy to date someone that you have to explain most things to every step of the relationship. And even if you say, I don’t date Asians and White people, that could be because out of all other races, the cultural difference could be that big. Dating is such a fluid thing, and as far as you have VALID reasons for not dating other races, it is not racist (not like BW are too loud).
As a Black woman, I choose to date only Black men because I wouldn’t have to explain racism, microagressions, wouldn’t worry about my partner’s friends/family calling me slurs, wouldn’t have to explain the history of xyz, etc. And this isn’t to say all non-Black people are racist or all Black people are knowledgeable, but more often than not, it is safer, easier, more convenient to date a Black man who’ll get my jokes, understand racism in various contexts, etc
In my opinion, saying someone is straight up racist because of their dating choices without context is ignorant. Yes it could stem from a place of racism for some people, but for others, it could not.
Lol I had a little paragraph on what you mentioned but I cut it out cause it was getting really long. That’s a different case. Like how Indians date Indians cause they have to same culture and they want to raise their child(if they want one) in that tradition. That’s great. Same as Nigerian who date other Nigerians cause they have the same culture and it’s easier as you said. I agree with you. But what I’m talking about is another discussion. I try to make my writing as concise as possible so people don’t loose interest so I couldn’t touch on this. Thank you for this.
Wow this is so insightful. Really makes you check yourself👏🏽
Thank you 😊
I literally just educated myself about racial preferences this summer and I think it’s so important for people to – tbh you’ll have people that would refuse to believe this simply because “how can I be racist?” But thank you for really putting it in down clearly! Loved this!
Yesss!! The same happened to me as well. Thank you so much for reading
Good read!
What if the reasons aren’t because of stereotypes though?
A lot of people date within their race, or decide not to date out, because of familiarity and similar beliefs/cultureI .
And even when it comes to these stereotypes there’s always some credence to it. Some races are notorious for culture/beliefs that uphold misogyny.
Yes definitely. I mentioned that cultural similarities is a fair reason to date someone. It’s easier to date someone who has the same values and traditions as you. I’m just trying to encourage people to let go of stereotypes and try to be open minded.