Inside Out 2: Joy vs Anxiety, An Endless Battle

There is something macabre about these Disney/Pixar shows and how they force unsuspecting adults to face the very thing they run to these light movies to forget. Inside Out 2 paints an eerily close picture of my inner self’s battle between Joy and Anxiety. And it shook me.

From early school days, a path is set out in front of you: You will finish up primary school, fly through secondary school, write your A-level exams, then go to university and find work. Like most people, I have walked this path and continue to do so. It all seems so simple in the school system; the path is straight, and forks in the road are a nonstarter once you are determined to make it down this path.

I did it. I made it through university, but for the first time in my life, I found myself with no prescribed next step. The world is my metaphorical oyster. Yet, I found myself suddenly dumped into this big scary world, armed with theoretical knowledge of ‘what life really is’ and placid words of advice to ‘get out there, find a good job! Succeed!’

Success is fleeting and opportunity is scarce. In typical me fashion, this is the point I’d give myself pep talks to ‘seize the day’ and create opportunities for myself. However, the sad reality is—brace yourself—life kinda sucks.

I almost feel like I was sold a dream. Do well in school and you will find a good job and joy. Instead, I did well and was showered with cold truths and anxiety.

So when I sat in the movie theatre and watched the space fill slowly with adults, like myself, brimming with anticipation of Inside Out 2, I really did not expect to be bulldozed by the harsh familiarity of pre-teen Riley’s story. It was like watching myself in real time.

I had perfected my sense of self as Riley’s original emotions did for her. And just like Riley, Anxiety took over and shattered the very essence of my inner self. Thrust into adult life of jobs, bills, and expectations to make my way, myself, my inner song went from “I am a winner” to “I am not good enough”, echoing Riley’s withered perception of herself.

In the movie, the character Joy says, “Maybe this is what happens when you grow up, you feel less joy.” That hit me hard. Instead of gaining so-called wisdom with age, anxiety grips you.

At the point of the movie where Riley is overwhelmed by the intensity of her anxiety and, at the same time, in her head, the emotion Anxiety is frozen, frazzled in the centre of a whirling storm of doubt and guilt, the theatre sobs and myself with them. I still remember the choke of pain and sorrow as I watched on. I came to this theatre for some light-hearted fun, but here I am literally face to face with emotions I battle daily. I did not sign up for this! Not for this, not for this warped version of adulting, not for the crippling weight of choices that will make or break my life. Go to School. Get a job. Succeed. That’s what I was told. Yet here I am on the brink of defeat watching my life presented to me as a 13-year-old’s step into puberty.

So as I sit here writing this, I cannot find it in me to end by offering some sort of platitude or advice on dealing with this because, honestly, I’m just not there yet. I’m just waiting and hoping for the day I can look back at this time and be thankful that I made it out better.

All I can offer you is comfort in the realization that you are not alone and encouragement to savour little joys that should, hopefully, calm the raging anxiety in you.

They say it will get better. I will hold onto that.

‘Wait if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations will that leave some room for joy  or relaxation, or simple pleasure? Instead, we measure this growing pressure’

                                                                                      -From ‘Surface Pressure’ in Disney’s Encanto